Some Sizzling Scintillating Speculations

There is no point in being grown up, if you can't be childish sometimes. NOTE: Editing done at 940 PM: I finally wrote the first post on new inspirations blog. Comments welcome,if found comment-worthy.I'm writing there,firstly,to share my inspirations,secondly,to store the inspirations at one location. Recent incident at a dairy shop here. Me: Buying the usual skimmed milk,etc. Lady: Buys something and goes out. Then, suddenly, enters again. Lady to dairy guy: Why’d you charge me 8 Dirhams for this full cream milk bottle? It’s only 5 Dirhams Dairy guy: Madam, it’s camel milk. Lady: (Horrified): Is that what I took yesterday?) Me( Amused): Ma’m, these two bottles are alike. Lady(Even more horrified): But, I made Diwali mithaai(sweets) with this. Dairy guy: Smiles Lady(Irked by smile): If anything happens to anyone, I’ll, I’ll….*walks out annoyedly.* I still saw the shop open yesterday, so, I guess no-one fell ill after eating sweets made in camel milk. Moral: Look before you pa...

(How's that for a nice pun?) Thought for the day:If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius. --Larry Leissner Do you like spoonerisms? I love them, hence, here's a post dedicated to the best ones that I've read. History: Spoonerisms originate from the name of William Spooner, an Angilcan priest who had a tendency for 'tips of the slung', if you get what I mean. Try and decipher the real sentences for these spoonerisms: - A well boiled icicle. (A well oiled bicycle...see easy,na?) - Fighting a liar - I hissed my mystery lecture -Tasted two worms -Queer old dean -The hags flung out -Noble tons of the soil And,the best one: - Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride? Since the next post is under preparation, let me skip the formalities and go over to the : Endjokes: - I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline. I was put through to a 'call center' in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were ver...

Thought for the day: “ Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ” What would you say if a 30 something friend met you after quite some time and asked' Is there a vacancy in your company for my Baybee'? You'd wonder whether: - You heard right. - He adopted a teenager. - He was kidding Right? Well, it was none of the above. I asked him 'pardon me?', and he said,'you know, abhi mera shaadi ho gaya, ab mera baybee idhar hai'( you know,I got married and my baybee is here)..then, light dawned- he was referring to his 'Bibi'(Wife), in the inimitable style some of us Indians use. I was tempted to say 'Heyyy Baby', but decided against it,since we were sitting in my office meeting room. ----- I wish I could be as happy as : The 40 something guy,suited-booted, whom I saw two days back in the late evening,probably returning from work, with a lollipop in his mouth and looking as contented as a five year old,happily sucking on it,wit...

Thought for the day:The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions Hi,all..hope you had a dazzling Diwali...here's wishing you a scintillating New Year as well-may all your wishes come true. I wonder how many of you know,that they plan to do away with the hyphen mark. For example, well-being, will soon be wellbeing. I wonder if, taking a cue from this, some people out here are putting up their ads accordingly- like, there's this ad: Baby Sitting in Karama Contact: (And,there's a pic of a cute three-hairs baby just below it). I wonder whether's really "A baby sitting" in Karama?LOL. Then, another funny ad,which they refuse to remove from the barber shop I go to: Hair Cut Baby Cut(Can you imagine this?????Arghh) Hair shampoo Dhadi setting(It takes a while to realize that they are referring to the beard.) --------------------------------------- On to the end jokes: The Englishman's paramour told him she was preg...

Here's wishing you all a Very Happy Diwali and a Scintillating,dazzling New Year.

(Quip: Now, isn't that the truth and nothing but the truth everywhere??) Thought for the day: What you want to see in others, you must first see inside you. What you expect from others, you must first expect it from yourself. Life is just a mirror. Curious thought for the day : Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on? Do you believe that the stars influence your daily life, your behaviour,et al? I do. In fact, every time I don’t, something happens to convince me that it’s true. I was talking to a friend who’s highly into reading about such topics, spiritualism, etc and his thoughts match- namely, sciences which did not have a basis, died down over a period of time. However, astrology has been around for donkey’s years, and still going strong. So, there's surely something in it. Ok, there’s the good ones and there’s the frauds.(Like the dhongi babas and all) But, you have to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, as you try and do in all fields of life. For e...

Thought for the day: Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. Do you think that manufacturers, especially of consumer items, dilute their products just that much less, so that their effects are not what they should be? For example, take these drain cleaner liquids. I was trying to make the kitchen drain trouble free, using the branded drain cleaners, and, each time,it would clear a bit,a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit,….. Then, I got this unbranded bottle of drain cleaner from our friendly neighbourhood spiderman, err, no, groceryman, I mean. Thinking it was diluted, I just opened the cap(Yes, this cap didn’t get lost yet), and poured a wee bit on the kitchen sink..and….snap..crackle…pop…plus smoke….as the acid went to work. For a minute, I was wondering whether there would be any drain pipe left to clean, if it worked well, but, my worries were unfounded. It did clean up the sink drain perfectly, and, did not finish off the pipe.(I checked for three...

Thought for the day: Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~ George Burns (Quip:No, I never resented the SI issues yet) Did you feel bugged when the person listening to you suddenly yawned at you? Well,don't be..he or she might be doing just to keep his or her brain cool. It is not promoting sleep,nor is it a sign of weariness or irritation at your monologue(however boring it might be). Researchers have concludes that yawning involves opening the mouth involuntarily while taking a long,deep breath of air, and helps the brain work more effectively. Thinking back,my yawns during the day come usually when I'm in the co bus on the way back home..it's like a sudden stoppage of continuous,err,work like staring at the computer screen,which makes the brain feel overwhelmed with relaxedness.:) And,voila-there's the yawn. It's been good even to get rid of headaches,sometimes.What about you? When do y...

Thought for the day: We are what we pretend to be, but we better be very careful what we pretend. Do you like monkeys? Can you catch them? According to a report in today’s local papers, there are many vacant posts, in our capital city of Delhi . There are around 15-20,000 monkeys, and only 3 monkey catchers. There have been tenders put out, and no-one responded. Finally, a team of people has been sent around the country, to look for these ‘specialists’. Imagine this line being part of the vocations up for grabs, when the 12 th standard results come out. Like, mechanical engineering, Arts, Fine Arts, Monkey Catching, Medicine…. --- Life is a circus..LOL…In my previous company, I’d earmarked everyone, as being a particular member of the circus..right from the ringmaster(That’s easy), to the lions to the usually docile parrots who suddenly let off a mini-cannon in the circus, to the friendly pommies to the clowns. So, look at it this way. The day begins with your getting into...

Thought for the day: Sometimes I think I understand everything,then I regain consciousness. -------- Television news is no longer what it used to be. Isn't it a fact? Earlier, the only news we could look forward to was what politicians did during the day. Now, we have everything in the news,in fact,sometimes,I find news channels more entertaining than the entertainment channels. Take,for example, NDTV-they give live temperatures from around the world, along with a video of the place too,right from Holland to London to Jaipur....that's much more exciting than a guy pointing at a map and showing clouds or the sun,na? Or, take the Bollywood gossip on another news channel,which had as it's highlight, the fact that Mallika Sherawat is busy slapping these days. No,no,not slapping as in angry slaps,but,slapping as in,part of her role in a movie called 'Ugly aur Pagli'(What a title!), where she has to keep slapping Ranvir Shenoy. It also pointed out that she took slapping...

(Quip: Now, that's advertising, I say!) Thought for the day: "See the perfection in the seeming imperfection that seems to be." ~ Lester Levinson Whew- after a month of reduced working hours, ending with three holidays, it’s tough to get back to the normal schedule. (And, I just noticed that I haven’t posted since 11th - Arghhh), but, as they say ‘and this too shall pass’. Do you have issues with caps? I refer, of course, to all sorts of caps, and, the fact that the caps keep getting lost. Perhaps we've developed an art of losing them. Like, take these uniball pens- the caps are a typical case of ‘here today, gone tomorrow’. Or, take water bottles – another case of the caps being ‘here today, gone tomorrow’. Be it a tin of ghee, or, a box of biscuits, or, an airtight container, I always find their caps missing. Where do they vanish? Are there tiny pixies around, who remove them and hide them around the flat just for fun, I wonder? Being a stickler for perfection, I a...

Thought for the day:Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald. I really think that there exists a 'song dissection committee' in Bollywood. Their job is to catch hold of good ole songs, and use different words/sentences from them, to create titles for new movies. How else can you explain, for example: Chalte Chalte: Generating a movie titled 'chalte chalte', another titled' kabhi alvida na kehna'....I'm sure, we'll also see movies titled 'Rote Jaagte', 'bas yun hi tum', ' mere yeh geet yaad rakhna'(Probably starring Himesh Reshamiya), 'Gungunaate rehna', etc. Or, how about 'Le jaayenge, le jaayenge, dilwaale dulhaniya le jaayenge(From the ole Chor Machaaye Shor') Or, 'laaga chunari mein daag', which is also part of an ole song? Perhaps the fact is that they've run out of titles to be recycled, or, the Hindi dictionary doesn't have any more exciting titles for them? ----- Do you thi...

(Quip: I wouldn't be surprised if the above drawing was made by a kindergarten student) Thought for the day: If at first you don't succeed...so much for sky-diving. Over the last few days, I picked up both the prizes for which I'd won vouchers. Whew- I never knew it's so difficult to pick up things for free, until now. I mean, both the places are one of the 'cream of the lot' kind of shops(It sounds demeaning to call them shops.. have a look and see why I say this). Anyway,so, we ended up getting some nice books, and a Tshirt. Amongst the books, the one I'm excited about is' It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be', by Paul Arden. Another one is 'The definitive book of body language'. Believe me, I need to brush up on these skills. It helps so much to know that a supplier is calling a bluff, if he puts his hand across his mouth while talking, or, if he tweaks his hair while standing, etc. Suppliers reminds me, I h...

(Caption for the pic: The latest in 'giving hafta(bribes): Direct money transfer. Thought for the day: You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else for it. This incident had me grinning away, by it’s memory which came flooding back yesterday, for some reason. The Boss in my previous company, called the Procurement Department (There were six of us, I believe) into his office, and (after giving me a wink, since my equation with him was better than others..ahem), he said’ I’ll be happy if I never see any of you in my office again’. ‘But’, he continued’ the way things happen, I cannot avoid seeing your faces everyday. ‘. Saying this, he burst out laughing uproariously like I’d never seen him laugh before, immediately making me wonder whether he was a member of some laughter club. I looked around at the startled faces of people, and believe me, if I’d been in his place, I’d have said something more at the motley crue that we were...hehe...

(Caption for above pic:Happiness) Thought for the day: I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? -- Jean Kerr Reference: The five questions of the previous post: The five questions are: 1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?" What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major lovers tiff and/or divorce(In case of married ones) if the man does not answer properly, (Read: Dishonestly) . 1)"What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this...

Thought for the day: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Sometimes, reading one's own past posts can be a delight(Ahem!) . I did that, when I was feeling a bit tired earlier in the day. And, came up with some gems. So, for those who missed them, here goes: This was an article in a local mag.Dinglish,is,simply put,Dubai English. It says that many Britishers, who return to their homeland, find it difficult to remember their root language,because,in the words of one of them'I found the range of my vocabulary had diminished and my grammar had become simplified'. That line made me go through the whole article,and,it brought out some fun facts. Local linguists believe that Dubai English will be here any moment now,though what Dinglish will sound like is a hard call.Options: E.L.F.(English as a Lingua Franca) ,like a U-certificate English,with the difficult words removed. School teachers are coming from all over the globe,and kids are picking up an amal...

Thought for the day: Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. (No wonder I blog.grin) Tell me, are you a positive human being most of the time? I like to think that I usually am one. But, then, that's for people to judge. There are occasions when the atmosphere gets vitiated with negativity and I find it hard to continue making positive comments. Take, for example: Lunch time at work: five people sitting. Suddenly, one begins:Oh, I just don't like to work here anymore. The next takes it further...I know what you mean, just yesterday....... And, the next goes: The way they're going, they won't last.....In such a situation, what would you do? Throw in your two bits as well, and spit on the plate which feeds you?I wouldn't...the best solution for such a situation, according to me, is 'change the topic'...say something about the food, the weather,ask one of these people about their kids and, bring things ...

Thought for the day: How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost? Whew..that was one eminently watchable match. I refer, of course, to the India-Pakistan 20-20 World Cup match, which India won. As with every Indo-Pak match, there were thrilling moments till the last minute. A cricket fan I know, was going to avoid watching it, because his heart cannot take the stress. That’s besides the point- what I want to mention is the comment someone made, when India beat the Aussies 2 days back. This person says’ Oh, India had to win. Because the betting is always highest in India-Pak matches’. I was too surprised to say anything. I mean, instead of feeling happy/patriotic that your team won against the World Champs, you attribute it to match-fixing? Arghhh… Personally, I think we won coz all the oldies were out of the team- the cribbers, the morale-downers, the ‘my state your state’ crowd. Frankly, this was the first match of even the 20-20, that I watched fully, knowing deep ...

Thought for the day: I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget. -Michael McShane Do you ever stop to think why just the ‘exteriors’ make us happy, without our really looking into the interiors? Why do we go with face value most of the time? For example, whether it’s flats or furniture or people, how often do you scrape the surface to see what’s beneath that exterior? That lovely flat might have a leaking ceiling above the false ceiling, the polished furniture might have holes and termites inside the wood. Or, scrape the wall and the bundle of wires ready to catch fire would be a real,err,’shocker’. Or, take cars- how thrilled we are to see the body of one of the big brands, be it a toyota or a merc. But, see it after an accident, and it’s one big mish-mesh of metal…even if you see a car being serviced , you wonder- is this what that great beautiful body was hiding all the time? And, best of all: people- does Miss Charming, that symbol of pulchritud...

Thought for the day: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. WOODY ALLEN I came across this article some time back, in my search for,err,quality loos for some clients. And, couldn’t help wondering whether this one would replace a few doctors if it became economical enough? Developed by Toto , this toilet measures glucose levels, BP, fat percentage and your weight. Needless to say that all this information can be transferred to your PC. The device cleans itself automatically after the one-minute long test. Life mein aur kya chaahiye?(What else do you need in life?) What next, will the loo also recommend the ideal diet for you based on BMI? Oops, did I say, life mein aur kya chahiye? How about music? Still on Toto, they have come up with a Toilet MP3 that has an MP3 player with an SD slot. The toilet bowl lid is raised and lowered automatically (before and after use) and you do not have to turn back to flush the toilet - the controls are on the wall. ...