News roundabout

‘Vaandro udhto udhto gayo’( A flying monkey just went by)….a remark that gave me the first laugh of the day today. A sudden sound of a parrot-like screech coupled with something like hooves clickety-clacking on the vehicle-less road caused the tea guy at the tea stall ask ‘what was that’? and, a guy sitting nearby retorted thusly. I just tried imagining a flying monkey, and couldn’t help grinning away in the dark.(I still don't know what had caused the sound, btw) Life’s like that- if you keep your ears open, you can never have a dull moment.

We had our Building’s AGM two days, back, at 730 PM, on the terrace. It was accompanied by a simple, catered dinner, since it’s also an annual get-together. The catering guy had set one table with the actual dinner, and the other one at a right angle, was slightly in the dark, so you could just about see something in the thalis(huge plates). So we took a plate,etc, and, first took the salad, then, the achaar or something like it, and then the last plate was a mystery. The four people ahead of me had taken 4-5 spoons of it and, I had a big grin on my face when I heard one of them exclaim’ arre, aa toh mukhwaas chhe’(This is mouth freshener). That was a first for me- what caterer serves mouth freshener in a huge thali, next to the salad?

Other things that made me laugh this week:

News article : 2010 list of holidays puts off babus.(Government officials, as they are called here)- why? Because 8 out of 17 holidays are on either Saturday or Sunday. And, 9 ‘restricted’ holidays fall on the weekend too.

News article: Indian 5 Re coins being smuggled to Bangladesh- they’re melted and made into razor blades- huge profit, apparently. According to the report, six razor blades, each selling for Rs 2/-, can be made from a single coin. (The cupronickel content is being changed now, it says).Whew! Talk of over-ingenuity. This tops the previous one, which had people taking the old 5 Re coins to UK, since they were similar in weight and size to the UK pound and people were using them in the soft drinks, etc dispenser machines.

Humour from magazines:

From Cosmopolitan(Dec):

The advice column. There’s this lady who says her boyfriend, in the throes of passion when they’re making luv, yells’ Yes, Mommy’, ‘Yes, Mommy’ and it’s freaking her out.

(advice given- it's like shouting' Oh, baby'....)

(Just imagine such a scene and you’ll die ROFLling)

Another tidbit of news says the latest in ‘improvements’ is ‘bre*stox’- this treatment boosts the bust(s) in just 30 minutes. A ‘top-up’ is required only once in six months, to maintain the ‘effect’. (It’s the way such mini articles are worded that makes them so funny,na).

Another one: A website ‘ijustmadelove.com’, is a place where you can log on and it will show you where others round the world did what the site's title says…it also shows you who has done it near where you are.

My remark: Good Lord, why would anyone want to know that? Is this some kind of Mr. Lova Lova contest?(BTW, out of curiosity(as I'm sure you will do too, after reading this..LOL), I checked the site. It shows 2590 results -last two weeks and 4 results in the last 1 hour. ROFL. funnier is the 'flags' people put up- some show two bunnies.:) And, you can filter the site to see whether it's normal luv or abnormal. And, to delve deeper(No pun intended), you can click on the flag and see more,err, details!!Good lord!

Coming up in the next post : Humour from school days.

Inventions and Discoveries

I'm really curious. Who invented the 'Va'. Or the 'Sha'. Or the 'Wi'. Or some such words. No, they're not some illnesses or prefixes. These are the words we invent when talking to people. I see the usage the max, specially in Baroda. Like:

1. Chai-Vaai peeni hai?(Want to have some Chai-Vaai?)

2. Naashta-Vaashta kar liya?(Did you have Naashta-Vaashta?)

3. Chutney-Vutney hai kya?( Is there any chutney-vutney?)

4. Lift-Wift nahin hai kya building mein?(Isn't there a Life-Wift in the building?)

5. Bombay-Wombay/ Dubai-Shubai kab jaa rahe ho ab?(When are you going to ....?)

6. Paise-Vaise milenge time pe ya nahin?(Will you get Paise-Vaise on time or not?)

There are so many others I come across during the day, like, say speaker-veeker, phone-vone, kapde-vapde, dukaan-vukaan, that I have these rhyming words coming out of my ears, and,

Arghhh!! Since the last few days, even I've started talking like this. Hopefully it won't be too rampant on my blog-shlog or my post-vost.:)

PS Anyone got any more to share? Do you also fall into this trap-shrap of rhyming good words with nonsensical words?

Movie Review-Rocket Singh

(That's one of the screens of Fame, Baroda)

To be frank, I went to see this movie on an impulse. Was passing outside Fame cinemas yesterday at 0830 AM, saw the BO(No,not Body Odour,but, Box Office) window empty, for the first day, first show, walked up,smiled at the lady and the guy(It always makes people happy to have a smiling client, first thing in the morning, I feel) who were just switching the lights on, on their side of the BO. Had to wait five minutes, and then got my ticket.(It being Friday, I also have a holiday, a la Dubai, while the rest of India(read'family') is at work. LOL.

Now, I thought I was given the first row from the back, the way it looked, at 180 degrees from my side, on her computer monitor- couldn't see any more rows behind, that is. Imagine my surprise when it turns out that it's the middle seat, in roughly the middle of the hall. And, all the tickets that were sold were either in that row or in the absolute first row in front of the screen. So, I was surrounded by school kids who'd bunked school to see Rocket Singh'first day first show'. What could be the logic behind that?(Well, I moved to an empty row soon, of course..I like my personal space, even in a hall)

I forgot to mention- they also gave a coupon for a 'special price' on a samosa or a puff with a Pepsi, for just Rs. 50/-.I couldn't help thinking of the days when a samosa in a hall used to be 75 Ps or max 1 Re, and a Thums Up(since Coke and Pepsi had been thrown out by someone who later become one of our PMs, for reasons best known to him) would be @ Rs. 2.50/-. ? But then, not many could afford that Rs. 3.50/- total in those days, while today, more than 50% people partake of the Rs 50 plus of soft drinks/pop corn, et al. The dimes, nee, times- they have changed, have they not?

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On to the movie review:

Ranbir Kapoor plays Harpreet Singh Bedi. The movie begins with him checking his B. Com results online- he's passed, just on the borderline, with 38. something percent. There's a party where he shows his first sales abilities, by 'convincing' the DJ to continue past the agreed night hour. Prem Chopra(No, not in a villain role) plays his doting grandfather who gifts him a pep+ scooty(to Ranbir's initial horror) and is by his side throughout the movie.

After some trials and rejections like most freshers go through, he finally goes to a computer sales company for an interview, where he's selected as a trainee. He goes with his immediate boss, Nitin(Navin Kaushik,looking like Raghu of Roadies fame) on a sales call and observes how his boss 'tackles' the client(I won't give more details-it'd give the fun of that scene away).

He's then sent on his first solo sales call, where the client reads the quote and talks openly of a bribe percentage. Bedi being a fresher, sees a complaint box and puts in a formal complaint against the bribe taking client and happily tells his Management about it. Naturally, he is given a few 'good words', called a 'zero' by the owner, Puri(That continues till the fag end of the film) and is demoted to sitting in the office and making cold calls only, while the rest of the staff mock him and throw paper airplanes(rockets) at him.

To vindicate himself and his abilities, he decides to take an order on the sly and tell his boss about it. However, when he goes to meet Puri, he insults him further in front of the same bribe-asking client. Dejected, he decides to sell the computers to the client(Shazahn Padamsee, who later becomes his lady love) himself through his fictitious firm' Rocket Sales Corp'. He soon makes a name for RSC by promoting it as a service oriented, 24*7 company, makes three partners- the office secretary, the office peon(who is an expert computer assembler) and the salesman who already does some computer sales work on the sly. They later add Nitin also in their partnership, since Nitin is a 'good salesman with contacts'.

Puri, in the meanwhile, is no fool- he first tries to find out about RSC by asking his sales team to get details, then he makes a call to their number and finally manages to find out that it's his own Company Board number(an unused one) that is being used by the RSC. And, the culprits are apprehended.

One thing leads to another, he 'buys' RSC by threatening the partners with jail, and is pleased with himself. However, he soon realizes that RSC's reputation is the opposite of his own company and soon all it's honesty and sincerity seeking clients are cancelling their orders when they hear that Harpreet is no longer there. Finally, realizing his folly, he finally returns the company to Rocket Singh, nee Harpreet. And, they live happily ever after(If they don't, the film flops, na?)

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I heard people grumbling during and after the show, but I do wonder why? What were their expectations? Did they expect an item number or a lot of skin show from Gauhar Khan or a number of songs between the lead pair? Or did they expect more of a slapstick comedy than a serio-comic look at the world of Salesmen?

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Frankly, I found it a good, different script- a genuine look at the typical Salesman's World, specially since I've been on both sides of the table, from the initial bubbly enthusiasm to the dejection to the self-motivation to succeed.

I could identify with it easily. Earlier, in my first company, I used to sit opposite clients(As an Engineering guy, though, not a Sales guy, but to get approvals, nevertheless), some of whom were totally honest, while some used to ask for stuff as silly as office files to New Year Diaries to fans for their house to airconditioners, in order to 'give approval'. And, in the beginning, I used to feel as shocked as Ranbir was in this movie. The honest ones became good friends also, in the next few years and I am still in touch with some of them.

Later, I was(am) on the Purchase side, and have seen suppliers like Puri, coming up and making subtle or blunt hints about how they want an order 'at any cost'(followed by a deep look or a wink) and have had to literally tell them that next time they repeat this dialogue would be the last time they deal with me or my Company. But more on that later-it deserves a separate post.

The only drawback, I felt was- why they made Ranbir a Sardar? His innocent charm from 'Ajab Prem...' would have worked here just as well and maybe even better.

If it was to show that Sardars are much more resilient, it's fine.

If it was to ensure that the movie runs well in Punjab and the North, it's fine.

If it was to show that they take insults like being called' zero' a number of times without retaliating, it's bad.

But, knowing director Shamit Amin's (Of'Chak De India' and team-building fame) style, I'm sure it was the first one.

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Some of the funniest dialogues(Only I was laughing, though, in the hall-maybe no-one understood their subtlety?):

- The computer spare parts dealer saying:

: Customer ke naam mein to pehle se hi 'Mar' hai.(Mar=die)

: Yes, take the price list. I was going to put bhel on it as such.

- Harpreet warning Gauhar Khan: “Otherwise I’ll remain the joker Sardarji and you the item girl."

- Harpreet to people:" Risk toh Spiderman ko bhi lena padta hai, main toh phir bhi Salesman hoon"

And, some more such gems that you need to experience for yourself when you see the movie.

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Overall, a good movie. Period.

Sign Language

Noticed this one during my walk today:

On the rear part of an autorickshaw:

Capacity: 3 Idiots

Only on going up closer did I notice the small print above it that said' Vinod Chopra films'.

Now, is that a smart bit of marketing or what?Of course, since he was standing right outside the main bus station, I wouldn't be surprised if the 3 idiots had been himself and the 2 people on either side with him on the front seat and the balance 4-5 behind as they usually do in share-a-rick.

(Waise, can you imagine the rickshaw seats being like the ones our three heroes are sitting on, in the pic?Quite comfy they'd be)

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Another sign observed a few days back:

Jalaram Tea Stole

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And another one outside an ice cream parlour:

Chocolate chips

with chocolate deep(Knowing the pronunciations here, can you guess what the deep stood for?)

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Cheerio!Till next time.Got lots to write. But need to be in the right mood:)

Nostalgia-I

One of the most famous friendships on earth- Mandrake and Lothar. (As they say in the tales)

Mandrake- a magician par extraordinaire known for his mass hypnosis feats.

Lothar-the strongest man on earth, King of 12 nations. Brings an ice machine when Narda asks him for ice cream. Picks up a car when Jed's cufflink rolls under it, rather than going under the car like us ordinary mortals would do.

Narda-another Princess, Mandrake's fiancee.(I forget the name of Lothar's fiancee-she came into the picture later)

Jed- head of Inter Intel-short for International Intelligence, which has a robot as it's big boss(above Jed). No-one thinks that there could be a human being behind the robot's voice which is disguised each time. Finally, in one issue, Mandrake discovers that the Big Boss is Hojo.

Hojo is Mandrake's cook(Uses this as the perfect foil so that people don't suspect his true identity), is a 10th degree black belt judo and karate expert.

Mandrake and Lothar meet courtesy Mad Dog Dill, a NBK(Natural Born Killer) who always leaves a deadly trail, shooting everyone in his path. They go in search of Dill, in Zodum, supposedly the most evil city on earth(I can think of some such cities, today...hehe), where crime bosses rule. Thanks to Mandrake's mass hypnosis, they capture Dill and the King of Zodum without too much of a hassle.

Lothar's enchanted(pun intended) with Mandrake's magic, finds life as a Prince boring and bids farewell to his Dad(the King of 12 nations). He runs after Mandrake and the team is ready to face the baddies of the world.

The sinister World of 8 was one of the most fascinating of their crime-fighting stories. Ran into a number of episodes, each one coming after a big break, to keep up the suspense.

Then, there was also the tale of how Mandrake came to own Xanadu, his dream home, by playing the part of a King of another nation.

Amazing. Fascinating. Today also. I'm just brushing up on all these comics in my spare time, finally. Bringing back memories. Memories of Indrajal comics. Costing 70 paise an issue. Went up to 1 Re and later to Rs 1.5/-, which seemed way too expensive in those days. (But then, an imported Noddy book would cost Rs 4/- then, so this was expensive, wasn't it?). Each issue was coveted by me and Dad. Read from page to page. Also read by my cousins when they'd visit Baroda. And later by my younger brother. And school friends. And others. And, they're still preserved neatly, in the bound form that we used to get them bound in, in those days.

No, Sir. We didn't have Cartoon Network. Or, videos of these comics. Thank God!That'd have taken all the fun out of reading.

Maybe I'll cover some of my other favourites of those days, in future- like Phantom, Laurel and Hardy, Tarzan, Korak, Bahadur, Richie Rich and the team of Little Lotta, Little Dot, Cadbury, Mr. and Mrs. Rich, et al. Each comic a gem in itself. Each story a tale to transport one's mind(Note: I did not say 'kiddie mind'. Haha) into a world of fantasy. Then came the Tintins and Asterixes. And, the shows held for children by Friends' Society(The Society's still there in Fatehgunj)- there used to be a series of Charlie Chaplin movies, or, L&H movies, for example.

Ah well! Nostalgia's always nice, when you recall such good memories, I guess. But, today's not bad either!Except for the surging prices of anything related to paper, where reading is concerned.

Nostalgia

I found the remix version of this song, today. The first time I heard it, I couldn't help laughing away all the time. Here goes: Patel Rap

Anyone know whether the original version is available? Incidentally, have any of you seen this site? It's quite a nice compilation. I'm exploring the comedy section now, but naturally. :)

Here's a really funny video.

And,for those who understand Gujarati, here's another good one.

Next post coming up soon.:)

Waiting..

Ah-my first stay at a hotel in Dubai, albeit, for just one day and a little more. What happened is, I'd told my landlord that I was travelling between Dubai and India, and had even found him a new tenant to boot!(Otherwise they charge anything from between one to three months rent as a penalty for breaking a contract midway).. Well, the new tenant's documents got ready on Tuesday, and the landlord called me the same night. Luckily, I had received the Water and Electricity Department's 'final bill paid' receipt the same day, which is a pre-requisite for vacating a flat(I guess some people run away with months of unpaid bills and hence the rule).

I told him I'd hand over the keys of the flat the day I was leaving. And, he dropped the bombshell- NO! you stay in a hotel for a day. I want your keys tomorrow morning by 10 AM, I will get the flat checked by my man and then only I can refund your deposit(Which was the equivalent of Rs 12500/-)....Calm me lost my composure for an hour or so, specially since I'd been feeling feverish since the last two days and had been banking on today(Thursday)'s Eid holiday to finish the packing. Anyway, that really perked me up, in a way. I came to the Hotel
and did all the formalities for me to check in the next day morning.

Went home and began packing things left,right and centre into their bags. You cannot imagine how much stuff accumulates when you've been somewhere for eight years. LOL...and, this when I've already forwarded some of the required stuff home. Threw away four large plastic bags of ole stuff. Finally slept at midnight-but, guess what, the fever was gone....LOL...that's why I say 'whatever happens is for the best'. But read on, there's more to come. Again, at 0430 AM, I got up, boiled the hot water and added the condensed milk and tea bag in the mug(Now, that's another story altogether) and had a nice cuppa, even though I dislike what is called 'dip dip' out here. Then, back to unpacking, packing, throwing out....I guess I discarded another 5 bags of stuff-(And, all along I used to make fun of people who stash away stuff 'for future use'...hahaha)...finally, it was finished. By that time, it was 915 AM. I called a taxi, put the bags into it and went to the hotel and checked in. By that time, it was 10 AM, and off I went to the landlord, praying that all would go well.

And, it did!(But naturally! The Secret at work, again!!Believe me!)...I got my full deposit back, I got the PDC(Post dated cheque) for the Jan-Feb-March payment back...both things usually take 5 days minumum, as the landlord's son had told me earlier. Returned home feeling pretty light-hearted...in fact, it was such a sense of relief that I got tense!It happpens sometimes,na!).

Returned to the Hotel at 12 noon. Again opened the bags, again threw out some more stuff(I am a perfectionist, as I'd mentioned earlier). Finally, it was all done!And, I was down to the number of bags I had in mind from the beginning. Great!

And now, the vehicle's come to pick me up. So, the next post will be from Baroda! More coming up very soon!!Cheerio and TC!