Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Five Answers

(Caption for above pic:Happiness)

Thought for the day: I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's
deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
-- Jean Kerr

Reference: The five questions of the previous post:
The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major lovers tiff and/or divorce(In case of married ones) if the man does not answer properly,(Read: Dishonestly).
1)"What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Cricket and how India lost yet another match,courtesy ..............................
b - That lovely neighbour who just moved in next door/that new secretary /receptionist at office.
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

"Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear."
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

"Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not"and then quickly leave the room.(Instead of grinning like a gorilla, after giving the answer)
Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

"Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

"What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

(Warning:For those ladies who reacted to the man-woman conversation above with a 'Humph-typical of MCPs,please,this was just a joke...any man who replies thusly,deserves to be kicked out of the house)

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly." And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."
Amen to those answers..Those who would like to pick the best' Wrong Answers',please go ahead...hope you had as much fun reading them,as I had,editing them and putting them up in this post.


End jokes:

The Years of Engineering:
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
Amen to that.


Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ?


Further list of things to do when bored:

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."


Till next time,keep smiling.


Marlee said...

HAhahhah...funny...esp, left handed.

I loved the fact the stressed and desserts have a connection :-D

Keshi said...

LOL Amit u can be mean too :(


austere said...

The picture is lovely. thanks.

Curious said...

Amitji : so unfair... Pls don't go giving intelligent answer tips... atleast for these 5 questions i want the men folk to ur their brains creatively!!!

Praddy said...

nice pic :)

Amitji..this is my new blog link. stopped in o3



AmitL said...

Hi,Marlee...hehe..yes,desserts and stressed connection IS nice.:)

Hi, Keshi...mean??Me???

Hi,Austy..tks for the comment.

Hi,Curious..intelligent answer tips?Did you ask any men folk to use their brain creatively?

Hi,Pradeepji:Tks for the link..checking it out.