Some Sizzling Scintillating Speculations

In buying everything from safety shoes to swimming pools and Jacuzzis, I tend to have and hear the most interesting conversations. The latest one went: (After long technical discussion): Frustrated supplier(His price was too high): Well, you must make an apple to apple comparison with my competitors. My colleague: Well, have you seen two apples which are exactly alike ? Supplier(flustered) : Not really. Colleague: There’s your answer. ---- That reminded me of my first job. I was sitting, taking interviews of freshers, to be taken as GETs(Graduate Engineer Trainees), and one enthusiastic guy, trying to convince us of his skills, said: Him: Sir, I can sell ice to an Eskimo . Me: Really? Him: Yes, Sir. Me: Ok. Go ahead- I’m the Eskimo.Sell ice to me. (The Manager settled back in his chair, with a big smile on his face). Him: (A bit flustered). Well, err..let’s see….(then, he kept trying for 15 minutes. And, was unable to convince me and our Manager) Him: (Finally): Sir, I admit- I can’t ...

Were you happier in the days when there were no emails ? I believe I was. The pleasure of receiving a hand-written letter or two or three or more, with those colorful stamps on them, cannot be the same as getting an email. In fact, I think, sometimes, when people write about what’s going on in their lives, they simply copy paste from the emails they send to someone else, modify it where the name is concerned, and, voila, the mail is ready…press click. If you’re lazier still, you will just put all the email ids in bcc, and, with a click, off go the emails. And, you believe that everyone will be happy. But, are they? I mean, how can I be happy if someone forwards me a Diwali card, for example, where they have just hit the forward button and not even cared to delete the id of the person who sent it? Don’t tell me ‘It’s the thought that counts’- I cannot believe it . In fact, why just to me, they probably just bcced it to their whole address book. The same is the case with smsed wishes- ...

Since I’m in the mood to just take it easy, after a hectic day(5 minutes before the work day ends), here’s a collection of what made me smile during the day,during my mini-breaks: Quotes: Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. Albert Schweitzer If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower. (Groucho Marx) ------ Jokes: Pickup lines and rebuttals: Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" --- President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. He begins his remarks with "Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!" Immediately his speech writer rushes over and whispers in the President's ear: "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath!" --- Good girls say, "Please... Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Please Don't Stop..." --- A Quote again: One of the greatest discoveries a...

Do you believe in non-verbal communication ? I definitely do, especially to detect when people are trying to bluff along. In dealing with suppliers of various materials, this is something of paramount importance. Sit across the table with someone, they give their price, and I tell them what final price they need to give in order to take the order. If the guy’s hand goes immediately anywhere-usually it goes to cover his lips, sometimes to scratch his hair, sometimes to his ear, sometimes even,err, going down to ball-scratching, I can be sure-he’s bluffing, and then he says something, you can be sure that he’s bluffing, trying to see how far I will stretch my budget for the product. Also, his(Very rarely, her) eyes will shift away- not make eye contact, so to speak. And, you can be sure that he/she is telling nothing close to the truth, and, everything but the truth. Similarly, watch out for the non-verbal cues at parties, at movies, at love rendezvous(es), et al. Hands folded, hands ...

What happens to all the Grammar lessons and English prose/poetry people learn when in school? Anywhere I go, I feel that my favorite language has suddenly had a change of rules. Forget the bad words, and the messenger slang. How about these daily dialogues: Why you come ? Where you went ? Who you called? I didn’t knew. What you’re doing? How come?( I believe this might be correct English, perhaps?) You know, I was walking along the road jab meine dekha …. Can I talk to.... (Should be 'may I talk to...') Are you paagal ? Sometimes it reminds me of Joey’s pickup line(from ‘Friends’) which went’ How you doing?’ Of course, the way he says it, it sounds like correct English. Talking of conversation, that’s one extreme. On the other side, there’s the treacly sweet conversation which goes: ( Especially on radio): RJ: Hellowwww Lady/gent on other side: Helllll-o. RJ: How are you this morning? L/G: I’m fine. How about you? RJ: I’m fine too. How has your day begun? And, the talk drones...

Time for some tidbits of information this time. Things I’ve read / heard/ seen over the last two days. - Faces: Here in Dubai, they place traffic policemen at strategic points on various roads. When there’s a long queue of vehicles, people tend to cross over, nee, slither from one lane to the other thinking that they will save a few minutes here or there. At such times, the traffic policeman’s job is to note down numbers of those who wrongly overtake and those who cross the yellow line. When passing by this gentleman, the anxious expressions on the drivers’ faces are worth seeing. Their attention gets focused as soon as they see this policeman, and, after passing him, their eyes remain riveted in the rear view mirror, to check whether they committed a violation. After all, a hefty fine of AED 200/- is nothing to laugh at. I’ve even seen one guy jump down from his vehicle, unmindful of traffic behind, and vociferously argue with the policeman, insisting that he was not guilty. - Ever ...

Have you ever wondered about the @? That little "a" with a circle curling around it that is found in email addresses is most commonly referred to as the "at" symbol. Surprisingly though, there is no official, universal name for this sign . There are dozens of strange terms to describe the @ symbol. Several languages use words that associate the shape of the symbol with some type of animal. For instance, some quirky names for the @ symbol include: apenstaartje - Dutch for "monkey's tail" snabel - Danish for "elephant's trunk " kissanhnta - Finnish for "cat's tail" klammeraffe - German for "hanging monkey" papaki - Greek for "little duck " kukac - Hungarian for "worm" dalphaengi - Korean for "snail " grisehale - Norwegian for "pig's tail" sobachka - Russian for "little dog" Before it became the standard symbol for electronic mail, the @ symbol was used to repres...

Topic: What lies beneath? The topic reminds me of the hit song' choli ke peeche kya hai'( or, was it neeche?) Do you, like me, often find that the container makes the contained seem much better than it is? (All ye of dirty minds, no pun is intended- ‘containers’ is not referring to anything in the lines of,err, lewdity. LOL.). For example, tea in a steel glass, to me, always tastes better than tea in a mug. Tea in a transparent glass, always tastes better than tea in a mug, again. So, the content is the same, but, the container changes. Or, juice, in one of those voluptuous glasses, always tastes better than juice in those slimline glasses with hourglass figures. Going a step further, how often do you buy a mag or a paper with a bright front page and eye-catching pics/ headlines (Read’tantalizing’, as in the case of mags like Maxim) , rather than the same thing with a dull cover? Or, go to buy chocolates- if your wallet can afford it, wouldn’t you prefer to buy those luscious l...

I came across some fun resignation letters. I loved the first one (above). The best of the lot was: (Try them someday): “Hello BOSS, I love Ur wife. Urs faithfully” (No need to resign after that one, na?) ---- Do you find some songs totally getting into your system and you end up humming them every now and then, at least, till the next one comes up. Of course, when it’s a song with nonsensical lyrics, it’s pretty irritating . Like, there was this movie on TV- definitely a David Dhavan movie, I ‘d say. It had a song which went : ‘ Jab tak rahega samose mein aaloo, Mein tera rahoonga, oh meri Shaalu.’ (Till the samosa has a potato(aalu), I’ll be yours, oh my Shaalu) Arghhh! I heard that song while leaving for my evening walk yesterday and couldn’t get the catchy tune out of my mind. Come to think of it, it’s the tune, which makes the lyrics attach themselves to it, making the most inane of lyrics hummable. What do you think? --- Reminds me of a tune which some bloggers had,err, inflict...

(Caption for the above: Chalo Singapore!!) One gigantic Dustbin: That’s what many people consider this world to be, I believe. Why else would I find, even in a place like Dubai, (s)crap strewn around wherever I go, when on a walk? There’s this nice square pit the corporation makes, and plants a tree or flowers in it. Before the poor things can grow up, the pit is filled with water bottles, coke cans, plastic bags, old newspapers and what have you. Or, take the airconditioned bus stops which were delivered to their locations some months back. Work on them was still going on, but, our erstwhile people began to sit in them, shit in them, leave bottles and stuff inside, until, finally, the RTA has put a plywood enclosure around them and locked it up. Yeh toh Dubai ki baat. Think of India. Or, my own Baroda,for example. There, besides this rubbish, there's the menagerie of cows,goats,pigs,et al roaming on the streets, leaving their droppings everywhere. People even throw their rubbish f...

Wee hours of the morning. An accident. Person hit by a pick-up van. Body on a stretcher. In an ambulance. Being covered by a white sheet by the doctor. Sandal on left foot visible. Crowd of 15-20 people observing. Some describing what happened. Two policemen in their smart uniforms stand around. Scared pickup vehicle driver. Told by police to bring his car to the side. Probably wondering whether his insurance will pay the AED 200,000/- (Around Rs 24 lakhs) blood money to the next of kin of the diseased? Will the family of the deceased agree to get him released, when their anger subsides? Or, will he spend the rest of his life in jail? Crowd disperses. Another ‘event’ observed. Time to go to work. Or go ahead with daily tasks. I say a silent prayer for the poor guy. May his soul rest in peace. Wonder what were his thoughts at that last moment. Human life has very little value, indeed! Just like in India!

Why do people have such a high ego? What set me off was this incident at the supermarket on the ground floor of our building. I was standing in the three-person long queue , and this lady ahead of me suddenly left the stuff at the counter and told him’ Wait, I forgot something. I’ll be back’. So, the guy, assuming that she’d take time, took over my purchases and was about to ring them in his register, when the lady came back and literally growled’ I WAS HERE BEFORE HIM’. The guy, feeling embarrassed, told her’ But, you went off to get something’ , looking at me apologetically. Sensing an angry ego about to erupt, I just told the guy’ Go ahead, finish her work first’, and smiled at both of them before turning to browse the magazine rack near me. It made me wonder- what makes people so surly? Had the lady said the same thing with a smile, it would have made the situation a lot pleasanter. And, I’m sure she’d have looked prettier too, instead of looking like a thin growling bear (wearin...

The signs get funnier and funnier. I refer, of course, to the ads people stick up on the walls of everything they see-be it the fence of the building under construction, or the wall of a loo, or the wall of a building or even that garbage dumper. They make the morning/evening walks just that much more of a ‘something to look forward to’. (Above pic is for illustration only. They're not usually so comfy) I had a friend who used to stay in such a bedspace-shared flat. They had four beds, one against each wall and in the centre was a rotating table with a TV.So, whoever wanted to watch TV, would turn it towards himself. (That reminds me of the first studio flat I was staying in. I had the peace of staying alone, but, the bathroom was so small, you could step out of the WC and right into the shower tray.And, woe betide if you bent down-your head would bang against the wash basin. LOL.) Over the last few days, some of the amusing ones which made me LOL in the wee hours of the morning w...

Out with the ole, in with the new. With the new look to the blog, I felt that I should also come out of the same format of Thought for the day, main post, end-jokes…so, now, it’ll be a somewhat ‘different’ post each time-from simple to shocking to laughable to rude to crude…err,no, remove the last two..…anything which catches my fancy,so to speak. I think that’ll help me post more regularly, rather than just once every 3-4 days or so. Today’s topic: Nose-Picking: What set me off was the sight of this lady in the morning. She was standing just opposite to where we were waiting in our Co mini-bus, for a colleague to turn up. She puts a finger in her nose-trils , pulls it out, stares at it. Again, puts a finger( in a twisting manner, this time) in her nose-trils, pulls it out, stares at it. This happened six times. I wonder whether she was looking for loose change? Or, had her nose-ring gone in with her sniff? Or, It made me wonder- we all pick our noses, I know- in public and in private....

Thought for the day: To think is easy. To act is difficult. To act as one thinks is the most difficult. ~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goeth How do you like the above ad, from Sayaji Hotel in my dear hometown,Baroda? It had me smiling away, especially the way it says ‘Tung Ting Ling dishes’. Actually, I quite like this Hotel. It’s unique in many ways. It has a rooftop restaurant, which has lots of activities for kids, including clowns, games, etc. And, on Xmas and such events, there’re special shows. Not to forget the tongue tingling, err, make that ‘Tung Ting Ling’ dishes. (I also love it because they also have this weekly contest in the IE,where I've won a few prizes when I was there.hehe!!) ---- I forgot to give the answer to the question I asked two posts back. Shreya, I’m scared. You’re bang on target. Se the answer ad verbatim as it appeared below the quiz. "She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. Th...

Thought for the day: Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality.-- Clifton Fadiman They’re hilarious. The latest caption contest has a pic of SRK and Saurav together. Have a look. I burst out laughing at many of them. Also, tell me how my two captions are, too!! ------ Happy April Fool's Day. So, what are you doing today to fool people? What did people do to fool you? I just put up a post on BUF, on how I was fooled some years back. --- Was trying to find out about the funniest April 01 pranks from the media in the recent past. Here are some really fun ones. The Case of the Interfering Br*ssieres: In 1982 the Daily Mail reported that a local manufacturer had sold 10,000 "rogue br*s" that were causing a unique and unprecedented problem, not to the wearers but to the public at large. Apparently the support wire in these br*s had been made out of a kind of copper originally designed for use in fire alarms. When this copper came into contact with nylon and body heat, it prod...