Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Fractured English

Thought for the day: The “believer” is happy. The “doubter” is wise.

I love hearing/listening/(occasionally) talking fractured English, of the kind ‘I didn’t knew that’, or, ‘If you don’t mind, I don’t have mind’. Or, the Gujju lady who was wanted to show off her English(enroute to the US of A) and after every few sentences, would say ‘Oh, Seeeet’.

So, an article on fractured English, which made my day, today, courtesy the barrel of laughs it gave in the midst of a tiring work session.

Here are the extracts of the English quotes:

1. Place: well known hospital in Chennai. A signboard outside the X-ray room:
Suspicious pregnant women should not take X-ray”.
(The author writes- ‘ I immediately had a vision of a group of pregnant women, looking sharply at this and that, their eyes darting here and there like wary snakes, suspecting everyone of mal intent’)
2.I n Madras, many elders use the expression, “By the by”
3. In many parts of North India, it is common for visitors to tell young parents that their new born baby has “gone on the mother” (or father, as the case may be) a word for word translation of the Hindi equivalent(Bilkul Maa pe gaya hai). (Incidentally, I always find it funny to hear people compare a new-born to a full-grown- except for the fact that he/she too has two eyes, two ears, a nose, lips,how do they see a huge likeness?)
4 Explicit one. “Keep valuables snugly and beware the people press close to you, designedly”.
5. Or, “If you are stolen, tell police”. How quaint!
6.There is apparently a surge of English signs in China with an eye on the forthcoming Olympics.
a. Near an escalator, at a spanking new shopping mall, be prepared for “When old man’s child go up hand ladder temporarily need family to accompany.”(I ROFLed at that one)
b. Sign that considerately warns you about the dangers of the wet floor. “Slip and fall down carefully”.
c. An ATM is sometimes a “Cash Recycling Machine”.
d. More cryptic is one that reads “Unrecycle Rubbish”.
e. “If you look after garbage lovingly, you will live a hundred years. If you don’t, your children will die.” How’s that for impact?
7.At Muscat airport: someone holding up a huge placard that read “Ministry of Hier Education”.
And, some more:
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.


On to the end jokes:
Girls then and now:

1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi (Mom, I want to wear jeans)
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ? (No, daughter, what will people say?)
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi (Mom, I want to wear a skirt)
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!(Wear it, daughter, wear something at least)

(I can’t translate this one)
Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

Beggar: Saab 1 rupaya de do. (Sir, give me one rupee)
Sir: Kal aana.(Come tomorrow)
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain. (Damn! Due to this ‘tomorrow-tomorrow’ , I have lakhs of rupees stuck in this colony)

A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.
What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Jua', 'So-Hua'

Till next time, keep smiling.

4 comments:

Keshi said...

**“Suspicious pregnant women should not take X-ray

WTH lol!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

btw..

**If you are stolen, tell police

I mite not be able to..cos Im err STOLEN? lol!

Keshi.

austere said...

I'm sure Mr Karan Johar didn't have these variations in mind. :)

bahoot sahi hasaya, boss. thanks.

shooting star said...

nice post....english is a funny language!!! dont you think???
me has been quite busy!!...joined a new firm and coupled with managing hubby...i find much less time to check out blogs....
wish you happy holi!!!!